you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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