Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
