What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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