I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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