is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
