Sry I called you an 8
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
