Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
