I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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