I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
