I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
