I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
