the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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