i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
