This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
