u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
