A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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