he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
