While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
