Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
