I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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