you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
