Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
