One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
