My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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