She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
