literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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