Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
