quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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