Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize