can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
