she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
