The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
