Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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