We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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