dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
