wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
