My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
