Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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