would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
