addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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