you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
