How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
