dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
