the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
