He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
