Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
