were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
