Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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