I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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