Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
