I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize