my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
