my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
