His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
