peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
