I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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