I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
