Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
