when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My vagina is very pro this idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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