He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
