ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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