Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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