he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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