my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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