Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
