The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sex in a hospital.. check
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
