hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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