the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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