I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
