I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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