I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
