hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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