i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
