So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
