Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
