You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
