my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize