so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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