I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
