i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
