She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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