I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
