can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
