i already hear my dad disowning me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
