Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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