he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
