I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
