Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize