I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had one of those small greek statue penises
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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