he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
