Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
