Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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