I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
