on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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