He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
