eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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