I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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