He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
